Last week I went to lunch with a bright young lawyer who was struggling with finding the right fit professionally. Among her concerns was the fact that she wanted to start a family, and had to consider the timing of that so as to minimize the impact on her career. After leaving that lunch I had a conversation with my aunt, who is not a lawyer, about how work life has changed and hasn't changed for women. The more we talked, the more I realized that the things that make it possible for a woman to be successful and "have it all" are the same things required for men - men just don't publicize it.
Every successful working mom I know has followed one of three paths; they either have an incredible support network or spouse carrying the heavy lifting on the domestic front, have held off on really focusing on their careers until the kids are older, or have held off on having kids until after they've reached some measure of 'success'. The same can be said for all of the successful working dads I know - the majority have wives that support their career by taking on the majority of the domestic responsibilities (this is regardless of whether they work also or not). But no one makes a big deal out of it when a man does it. And no one asks him if it's hard to miss out on the soccer games and PTA like they're looking for some reason to diminish his professional success or guilt him for his lack of patriarchal involvement.
Similarly, when I had each of my kids I know I suffered the physical affects of birth and sleep deprivation from having a new born. But so did my husband. He was up with the baby as often if not more often than me, and he had to deal with the toddlers we had at home as well. So why is it when I wanted to work while on maternity leave after the birth of my second child I got a lot of condescension from superiors about how hard it was to have a baby and instructions to "enjoy" the time with my new blob of sleeping, eating, pooping joy? While at the same time, a male colleague having twins the same month was harassed for wanting to take a month off to get in the rhythm of new family life?
It's true that in order for any of us, male or female, to "have it all" we need to have a network of support that allows us to reach our potential while not punishing us for trying to achieve balance. And that, dear readers, is where the purpose of this post lies. Most in house lawyers are leaders of some kind within their respective companies. Whether you're the GC, a managing lawyer or just staff counsel, people within the company look to you and the legal department for guidance on a variety of things - some not very legal in nature. So the first step to achieving an environment where we can all have it all is to be the example. The legal department should support the flexibility required to maintain a family and a career without judgment while at the same time understanding that it looks different for each person depending on their situation and personality. It was unfair to belittle and punish me for wanting to get back to work quickly and to harass my colleague for wanting more time with his twins. We each had different support networks in place at home, different experiences (my second, his first) and different working habits. Effective management would be to offer equal flexibility, but understand that it looks differently for each employee.
Second, when the HR team or other business unit looks to you or the legal department for guidance on policies, be an advocate for flexibility. While it's not a strictly legal standard, you can influence the decisions made by pointing out the benefits of assisting your employees to have opportunity to both build their career and their families. Encourage your leaders to recognize productivity and efficiencies rather than pure hours in the office and face time. It is definitely important to hold your employees to high standards, but less important on how they meet or exceed those requirements.
We're a long way from anyone getting to truly "have it all", but working together to change the conversation will definitely push us in the right direction.
Every successful working mom I know has followed one of three paths; they either have an incredible support network or spouse carrying the heavy lifting on the domestic front, have held off on really focusing on their careers until the kids are older, or have held off on having kids until after they've reached some measure of 'success'. The same can be said for all of the successful working dads I know - the majority have wives that support their career by taking on the majority of the domestic responsibilities (this is regardless of whether they work also or not). But no one makes a big deal out of it when a man does it. And no one asks him if it's hard to miss out on the soccer games and PTA like they're looking for some reason to diminish his professional success or guilt him for his lack of patriarchal involvement.
Similarly, when I had each of my kids I know I suffered the physical affects of birth and sleep deprivation from having a new born. But so did my husband. He was up with the baby as often if not more often than me, and he had to deal with the toddlers we had at home as well. So why is it when I wanted to work while on maternity leave after the birth of my second child I got a lot of condescension from superiors about how hard it was to have a baby and instructions to "enjoy" the time with my new blob of sleeping, eating, pooping joy? While at the same time, a male colleague having twins the same month was harassed for wanting to take a month off to get in the rhythm of new family life?
It's true that in order for any of us, male or female, to "have it all" we need to have a network of support that allows us to reach our potential while not punishing us for trying to achieve balance. And that, dear readers, is where the purpose of this post lies. Most in house lawyers are leaders of some kind within their respective companies. Whether you're the GC, a managing lawyer or just staff counsel, people within the company look to you and the legal department for guidance on a variety of things - some not very legal in nature. So the first step to achieving an environment where we can all have it all is to be the example. The legal department should support the flexibility required to maintain a family and a career without judgment while at the same time understanding that it looks different for each person depending on their situation and personality. It was unfair to belittle and punish me for wanting to get back to work quickly and to harass my colleague for wanting more time with his twins. We each had different support networks in place at home, different experiences (my second, his first) and different working habits. Effective management would be to offer equal flexibility, but understand that it looks differently for each employee.
Second, when the HR team or other business unit looks to you or the legal department for guidance on policies, be an advocate for flexibility. While it's not a strictly legal standard, you can influence the decisions made by pointing out the benefits of assisting your employees to have opportunity to both build their career and their families. Encourage your leaders to recognize productivity and efficiencies rather than pure hours in the office and face time. It is definitely important to hold your employees to high standards, but less important on how they meet or exceed those requirements.
We're a long way from anyone getting to truly "have it all", but working together to change the conversation will definitely push us in the right direction.
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