Tuesday, December 30, 2014

2014 - A Year of Self Discovery.

About a year and half ago, I went through a bit of an identity crisis.  I had what should have been the perfect job, but was unhappy professionally.  For the first time in six years I wasn't pregnant or nursing but somehow still felt like my body wasn't my own.  After a lifetime of struggling with my weight I finally figured it out and lost a ton - going from a size 18 to a size 4.  Yet I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  I had no idea who or what I was anymore.  So I left my job and spent the summer with the boys.  I tried several different styles, read a bunch of self help books and generally tried to analyze myself into happiness.  It didn't work.  The only think I learned during that time was that I am not a great 'stay at home' mom - I need work to be self fulfilled.

So I went back to work, disappointed in myself and still not knowing exactly what my place in life should be.  Now, a little over a year later, I'm looking back at 2014 and realize that this is the year that I found myself.  I finally found my work style and now know why I was so miserable before and what I need to do professionally to be happy.  I've discovered that although I miss the closeness I had with my infant sons, they are so much more fun now that their personalities are emerging.  And I've found my own style and feel comfortable in my new skin - stretch marks, wrinkles and all.

The funny thing is, I didn't find any of this in books or mommy groups.  I found no answers while staring in the mirror and trying to analyze every aspect of my misery.  I found the answers by jumping into life head on.  When things didn't feel right I changed them.  I didn't analyze what the next step should be, I just took it.  If it wasn't right, I took another.  Then another.  And somehow, I ended up here.  At the end of 2014 and very excited about what 2015 will bring.

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